The #1 Secret to a Happy Life

Excerpted from Ogre’s Guide to Bar Culture, “Don't You Wish You Were Me? I Know I Do,” 4 May, 2005.

Still, I have lived a good life, and maybe some of what I've learned from it might qualify as words of wisdom after all. I'll tell you what: because I'm feeling charitable, here's a freebie for you: Train yourself to enjoy bitching. Bitch about everything, whether it bothers you or not. And be funny with it, and get carried away with it, and practice so you're good at it and learn to take joy from it. Because if you're happy bitching, then you can never be completely unhappy. Bad things stop being obstacles and become opportunities to hone your craft.